Motherhood diaries...Kangarooing a seven month old

As the individual also termed as 'my daughter' in social circles turns away from the cocoon of 'new bornessness' and marches into the infant world.....I pop the obvious question at myself....how does motherhood feel???? And I realize that the question adds more meaning when you add the time of the day to elicit the most appropriate response. Motherhood as I learn with each passing day is quite a complex prism....new dimensions and shades....strange conjectured images....light and day playing mischief into its layers....

I ask myself whether in all honesty can you say that it's a joyous merry go round superlative experience as the greatest mothers before you have proclaimed???? Am I a selfish beast when I confess that I DO NOT enjoy the thought of my daily 'peace' time with my morning paper and tea disturbed by tiny bouts of cries? May I ruffle a few sentimental feathers when I own up to my dislike for potty cleaning??? Would I be disrobed of my 'nice mom' garb when I state that YES I miss my good old flat tummy, my sense of freedom and the 'etc' that are attached to the DOINK community? Uneasy questions that raise their ugly heads when I take a small trip into my conscience!!

But probably these 'grey' areas iron out of your mind each morning as you wake up to that tiny creature....when her tiny feet and 'cottony' little torso nestle into you....when the innocent little daily stretch and yawn routine unfolds..you are forced to say YES ....yes a thousand times.....motherhood was worth it....worth every screaming moment in the labour room.....worth every sweating moment of carrying your pregnancy weight around....and perhaps worth every irritable moment of broken sleep!!!!Well.....almost:)..don’t stop to ask me the question againJ

We are the hypocrites

We love to live in the make shift comfort world of righteousness.....of all things great....of blacks and whites....But one little peep into our world reveals the greys....a little bit of scratching the surface and the ornate "values" peel off to expose the cracks,the holes,the unaesthetic angles!!

We make a hue and cry over the racism meted out to the Indians world over.....we love to sue and have fought valiant battles over the discrimination over the "bindi", "saree","turban" etc. and yet we do not flinch when posting a "Brahmin" only tenant classified! We have no reservations in "madrasifying" and "chinkifying" the people around us....but yet we screech the tunes of "coloured" discrimination by the so called "whites".

We love to tom tom about the "rising India" fairytale and would love to  sweep the slums,the dirt,the corruption and all ugly truths under the so called red carpet of corporate glitz and glamour!

We scream equality and fight for our rights, our leave, our working conditions, our appraisals in the business suit environment but will have a show down when our maid asks for a day off or a few moneys advance.......some employees are more equal than others???

We claim moral superiority over other civilizations in the world and yet not a day passes by without a woman being harassed,molested,abused and raped in this so-called "civilized society".

Welcome to our fictitious world ....bordered with high walls of righteousness.....painted with varied shades of values....both crumbling and peeling off before we know it?

Friend in Need

There was a time in my school mind when I thought friends were needed when you sat around the school canteen.....when you crammed equations for the board exams....when you bitched about weekend classes....when you dreamt big into adulthood....when you dressed up for that theme birthday party.....And when my brain expanded into the professional studies scheme I thought they were needed to spice up your black and white classes....to flock together towards great career heights.....to just 'chill' and do all things so 'cool' and 'yo' in your twenties world.....

Slowly and steadily adulthood,matrimony and the 'oddly' termed settling down syndrome sets in and we are all parts of the yawning rat race and friends sometimes turned into guides, benchmarks, milestones and sometimes life altering support systems......

And then suddenly you stop and stare at at the mirror and realise that lots of childhood,adolescent and adult waters have flown....your 'grey' matter reduces and 'grey' hair increases in inverse proportion and you realise that you need a friend for no special task or reason....

We just need a friend a phone call away...a short walk away...or just a fb ping away....just to feel good....just to reminisce the good times past....just to feel

 alive......just to spark that little speck of yourself left after carving out the wife,the employee,the daughter and mother in you...!!!

Seven WedlockYears

Another June 25 appears on the calendar and yet another wait for the elusive 'surprise’ anniversary gift…Guess some special days appears once every year to remind you of ages crossed, of times spent, of relations ripened, of distances crossed in life’s myriad journeys. It’s a sort of ‘status check’, a milestone realization..sometimes just a simple tick in the box to count the years spent in each others’ company. And June 25 brings me fresh memories of a monsoon wedding..of my ‘plunging’ moment headlong into something they call the ‘wedlock’…

Hmmm..wonder why they term it the wedlock?? What exactly do we ‘lock’ ourselves into….A heavy commitment that’s difficult to snap..A little ‘family fence’ of our own creation..A few ground rules  between two individuals who were hitherto in two different ecosystems…Maybe it’s also a ‘lock’ to keep away your bachelorhood traits..your ‘single woman’ freedom..and many more nicks and nacks that one cherishes  in your journey through corridors of childhood, adolescence and adulthood.

Perhaps it also signifies the perfect ‘inter lock’…two individuals who have to fit into each other into a perfect lock…one cannot overlap the other…no ‘gaps’ and ‘spaces’ between the two..a perfect complementary ‘twosome’!

But come this June 25 and our family portrait carries a few changes…a few additional shades of grey..visible maternity stretchmarks..and a little cherubic face beaming and bonding the two of us….reminding us of our journey as  ‘man and wife’ with the additional titles of ‘father’ and ‘mother’!

Mother of all hoods

With a wave of the surgical wand, a new being was born in this world and she catapulted me into motherhood in a single second of existence!!! Motherhood had arrived just like that….!! The 9 month preparatory time provided by god did not suffice….one can never prepare to embrace motherhood…it just happens and dissolves into you and takes time to permeate into your waking conscience! And the pain one has to endure to cross over from pregnancy to motherhood is unlike any mental or physical pain ever encountered by a human (now I am positive)! And beyond the pain comes that trembling moment when a little something is thrust into your arms..yours to keep forever, to nurture..a wholesome being that you brought into this world..it’s an incredibly overwhelming moment!!

And from that moment on, the words ‘nappy’ and ‘feed’ enter your world and you realize that it controls, governs and directs every moment of your life..there is no sidelining, no ignoring it…it will keep you awake and alert..sleep or no sleep, sick or healthy, favourite movie on TV, hungry or happy….these two shall dominate your existence..my first lessons of motherhood! As you stumble and try to perform your duties, you realize that this is the closest you will get to understand the pains that your parents went through…a new found respect and awe for your parents appear in between your ‘motherhood stretch  marks’.

You see your world revolving around that little bundle….she becomes the axis, circumference and center of the universe… As I grapple with the transformation that unfolds and try to assimilate the power of the term ‘my daughter’…I also realize the responsibility that it brings along..its a scary and overpowering feeling….I guess I am buckling up for the journey ahead!