I am probably overdosed with “feminism”,
“women’s empowerment” and Fathers/Mothers/Womens’ Day bruhaha….
And I want to speak about
entitlement! Yes, the entitlement that society arms every man with…yes rape
that girl, she shouldn’t have walked out in the dark. Yes stare at those legs,
she should have worn a longer skirt…Yes ask for a culinary festival, she should
know cooking by virtue of being born a woman…Yes give instructions for child
rearing without “dirtying” your hand - the crying baby is a “primary” duty of
the mother.
And those “feel good honours”
that society bestows him with.. when a man changes a nappy – he is breaking a
stereotype and not simply looking after his offspring? When a man makes tea for
his wife – he is getting ready for a pedestal of his own and not simply
performing a routine chore at home? When a man washes his dishes and cooks his
own food, he is the “apple of everyone’s eye” and not simply implementing
survival tactics?
What is it that drives people and
society to lay out this “comfort net” for the men in our society…they run the
“option” of waking up early for a child’s rearing..a mother will snatch the
dishes away if a son washes them..but accepts that a daughter-in-law should do
the dishes…it is the norm isn’t it? Household and child-rearing
responsibilities are first bestowed on the woman of the house..as if she was
born with a handbook on how to manage a home and a child… Men can walk home
after a “tired day at work” and pick the TV remote as a birthright…he need not
walk into the kitchen to see the progress of dinner or understand the “nitty
gritty” of a child’s needs as “primary instinct” but needs to be coaxed into
these responsibilities.
Why do we idolize men who have
taken over “household responsibilities” and crown women who are doing well in
their field of specialization? Do we “knight” a woman who cooked a decent meal
(perhaps her first one)? Do we popularize pictures of a mother taking care of a
screaming infant? But we will award recognition to men who put their clothes into
a washing machine or rock a baby to sleep (in a business suit as shown in all
commercials)? And also beat the drums for a woman who excels at her chosen
profession? As if household management was “incidental” for a woman and earning
your bread is the job of the man of the household!
When can we sit down and re-think
this thought process? All things being equal, a man and woman have gone through
the same educational system and worked in the same competitive environment but
come marriage and suddenly you have a different weighing and rating scale for
each gender? The woman suddenly needs to assume the “household goddess” title
and the man is left to “hunt and provide” for the family…and if each moves away
or beyond this invisible line of responsibility, there is tremendous adulation
and awe!
Of course it would be again
“stereotypical” to assume all humanity falls into the same “category” but can
we not leave these to the individual and not “genderise” the primary
responsibilities? Why can we not simply allocate all responsibilities based on
logic and rationale like time, skills, inclination. Why do we give the luxury
and understanding to only the “man” in the house – his entitlement to sleep,
rest, stress-busting, time-off, ignorance, learning curve is as much an
entitlement of the woman of the house? And why do we idolize women who are
simply performing their duties at work just like any individual and “colour” it
with “diversity”? A man can be good and bad at certain things as a law of
nature and the same holds good for a woman and if we take this as an objective
possibility, we might stop this whole trial to “break stereotypes” by actually
working on the stereotypes in the first place?
