Ten Years of I do and err…. ‘You Do’

Perhaps it is the overdose of Hollywood in my life that I had to cling to the ‘I do’ usage when in reality my decade of matrimony didn’t quite start with an I do..it was a more symbolic ‘regional’ golden acceptance..a simple golden knot and a floral exchange that sealed the deal.

But I think a ten year marriage is the consummation of the clichéd ‘ I do’ with a plethora of you do and the unsaid silence of  ‘why don’t you do’……yes I do and I did a zillion things since the married tagging was completed to my existence…some that I fondly remember ..some that  I probably don’t want to ever do..some for which there was no choice than to do.. some which I didn’t even realize I did…some I thought I never could do but indeed did..some that I definitively would like to do for the next decade and beyond…and I can go on.

But it also comes with torrents of resistance and unfairness that comes with becoming a wife….and many of the ‘ I do nots’ that I initiated while taking the ‘pheras’ (is there an English term for this?)..stuck with me for ten years…. many that I moved conveniently from I do to ‘you do’… many that I overcame the mighty mountains of ego and resistance to move into the elite category of ‘I do’..But fundamentally I voiced and rebelled against anything that vaguely resembled glorified ‘gender discrimination’ a.k.a. as ‘expectations of a wife’…the incredulous thought that you cease to exist as ‘you’ post that ‘sindoorification’ ceremony..the constant expectation to ‘look a wife’…the overemphasis on the woman of a household to hold fort…the timescales set by society from matrimony to motherhood!

I guess the establishment is a quirky mix of freedom and reigning in your ‘spirits’…and the days go by in the constant struggle to maintain the balance especially when the ‘reigning in’ trait starts gaining dominance in the establishment. It means to walk that extra mile to ensure your identity is not lost in the matrimonied world that you create for yourself…it means to push yourself to go out of the comfort zone that a wedding knot creates to find your own independence…it means to guard your teen spirits so that the freshness and enthusiasm of the teens do not erode with the passing of wedded times! It also means you receive an opportunity to build a journey with a like-minded individual..to see a dream together and work towards making it happen..an additional pair of ears to listen to your laments of your daily grind..an additional brain that can take over when you have a burn-out and one that could sometimes drive sense into the irrational behaviours that you unconsciously indulge in!

I guess much as you wish yourself different from the humanity of married people on the planet..some things and clichés are like ‘default applications’ that come with the installation of the ‘married’ app in one’s life….the ‘it’s your fault’ position that every man and woman takes in a marriage…the anger levels of a husband who sits in a car driven by his wife…the false exasperation of a husband when he looks at the shoe rack and the stress levels that a wait of ‘just reaching’ creates in a wife! Ten years in all honesty can probably nibble away a few of these ‘married’ traits but the magical disappearance is probably a goal for the next 10 years!